Posted by Lauren

we will remember
we will remember the works of thy hands
we will stop and give you praise
for great is your faithfulness

i need to start remembering then, and stop dwelling on the now
because the now
it's pretty dreary

You can have all this world
But give me Jesus

blinded  

Posted by Lauren

i know that i have discussed this with ming, but, i don't think with anyone else recently.

let's start here
i am such a hypocrite

"can you believe they just said that!"

The bible tells us not to use God's name in vain.

To me...well that's simple don't say “Oh my God!” when something crazy happens, and certainly not any of the other ones either. This is all well and good. I do not personally appreciate people invoking the name of God when they don’t really mean it, especially when it comes out more or less without any care.

just a habit


Today after thinking about it, it hit me. I use His name in vain all the time.

Almost daily.

I was praying, and after I finished with my “In Jesus’ name, Amen,” I realized I didn’t mean half of what I had just said. I mean, I meant it in my head, but I didn’t really mean it in my heart. When I pray, I am speaking to my Father. Not any father at that, but one that I do not deserve! I am thanking Him for what He has done, petitioning Him to bring healing into someone’s life. At least that’s what should be happening.

Instead, more often than I’d care to admit, the effect is something like, “Hey, Jesus, how’s it goin? Hey, I’m sorry for that stuff I did. I won’t do it again (but I probably will). Oh, and by the way, can you take care of this person for me?

Thanks, man! I’ll holla at you later.”

I don’t mean to sound blunt, but when I finish praying, that’s what I felt like the heart of my prayer was, even though it sounded more “spiritual”. Then to top it off, I added “In Jesus’ name” to the end.

then it hit me...

“How dare you use My Son’s name so flippantly?


His name is not just a name. It’s not just something we say. It has power. It has strength. It has victory. He said himself that if we ask anything *anything* in His name, He will do it.

I think there is much, much more to His name than we realize. It’s no wonder the Jews didn’t write out God’s name. They realized the power in it. Somehow I lost it, or maybe I never really had it
I want it back.



....  

Posted by Lauren

I don't understand how Jesus was silent as they mocked Him. As they drew blood from His flesh. I don't understand love. I don't understand.

hey guys....its red  

Posted by Lauren


here me out now...
i don't get obsessive over electronics...AT ALL
but when apple comes out with something that is beautiful...how could i deny it?

because
this is beautiful

i know what you are thinking
"she is biased
it's 'cause it's red...that's the only reason that she cares"

well yes your very observant it IS red...but if it were any other color, it would STILL be beautiful.

this is quite the upgrade...mini to nano
this thing has real color screens.
(not fake mind you)
beat that


oh &:
Like a fine pair of jeans, Ipod nano colors may vary and change over time.

like a fine pair of jeans

so my ipod changes colors too

 

Posted by Lauren

sometimes the only thing that can fix it is really loud music
really loud

& no one was home, so it was okay

I am not skilled to understand  

Posted by Lauren

be at rest once more oh, my soul for the Lord has been good to you!


someday i am going to learn that worrying never did a thing
& it's going to be to late
& that will be okay
i think

i was taught again.
once again.


Jesus blood never fails me!

and this secret, it will run
to the corners of the earth
where every women, every son
will carry high their chains undone
Hallelujah King forever, Friend and Saviour
Jesus' blood never fails me

running to stand still  

Posted by Lauren

I enjoy complaining. I don't know why. Maybe I think that complaining about a situation or event will make it better. I don't often consider suffering to be pure joy.
I don't think I know what suffering really is. In fact, when things are put in perspective, I believe that what I think is suffering is really very minor discomfort. "Consider your minor discomforts to be pure joy, brethren"


oh dear.

tune my heart to sing thy grace....  

Posted by Lauren



Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.


i love this hymn...
it's so brutally honest

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love


we try to make everything sound okay
when it isn't
when we are quite honestly struggling inside
every day,
all the time,

choosing what is good instead of choosing what is best
it faces us every day

to be quite honest if i wrote this hymn i can guarantee you it would probably come out a whole lot differently
if I was Mr. Robinson, I don't think I could be so brutally honest about my heart...
because then that would mean
admitting to it.

and well that's just a bit to humbling for me yet.
ha

Tune my heart to sing thy Grace!


 

Posted by Lauren


Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel


i'm not really one to write their feelings in a post on blogger for the whole world to see...
but
the journal just wasn't working for me today
maybe this will help jump start my thoughts...

it's not black and it's not white
so i guess that makes it grey?
but it doesn't feel very grey
more like a vibrant color such as red?

i am somewhere in between right now
and i don't quite know were that is
i'm not sad, and i wouldn't quite explain it as happy
and i can promise you it isn't called content

because i am not feeling content
but then who's fault is that?

 

Posted by Lauren

i just got a small taste of real life...and it's quite humbling...
i spent 8 hours with the duguids today.
& it's quite sad

let me just say this:
I am blessed

i have known the same parents for my whole life...
i have been extremely protected, compared to what these kids have gone through
and it isn't there fault.
they were just victims...

 

Posted by Lauren

Matthew 6:30
oh.

joy is so contagious  

Posted by Lauren

And Lord haste the day....When my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound...And the Lord shall descend...Even so, it is well with my soul...

When my faith shall be sight
i love how i always just read over that part...
let's try it again:
When my faith shall be sight

Everything,
all questions will be answered, all problems solved, all sorrows destroyed
we will see our Father face to face...


When shall I see that happy place
And be forever blessed
When shall I see my Father's face
And in His bosom rest

we will dance, oh we will dance, on those golden streets,
filled with complete joy
not one trace of sorrow
it's almost like a piece of His heart
because
we couldn't take any more

 

Posted by Lauren


and joy will be my song
yes, joy will be my song

The sun just slipped its note below my door  

Posted by Lauren


I got a letter in the mail from my grandparents....
it said many things but one thing that it did say was "we pray for you every day."
they actually think to pray about me, and that they pray for me every day.

There really is no better thing: to have people I love, praying to my Creator for me. So that's just another reminder to me, I need to also be praying continually for those that I love.

What better gift could I give them?

swing wide the glimmering gates  

Posted by Lauren


Most of us find it very difficult to want "Heaven" at all-except in so far as "Heaven" means meeting again out friends who have died. One reason for this difficulty is that we have not been trained: our whole education tends to fix our minds on this world. Another reason is that when the real want for Heaven is present in us, we do not recognize it.
--C.S. Lewis

Ming and I were talking about this last night...uhh well i think it was last night :P
mmm
oh dear.
well there goes my train of thought.


you woke the morning up...  

Posted by Lauren

patience.

took my sociology test today. i think i did great, but we will see.
and ummm cooo decided not to come to class today...and now i totally love him, but that means no grade till Tuesday, that's okay i am fine with waiting.
i think.


in other news....i made pancakes tonight...and they turned out. i didn't make 'em all mushy

last call, for the moon tonight...  

Posted by Lauren

took my math test today...
one of those things were it was easy, SO it was easy to miss something. So I kinda was like uho...when i left. I know officially i got one wrong...but hopefully the others are good.

and i found out today that i have a weird fascination with brackets...so hope that doesn't mess my grade up...but what can i say?

that's how i am :P
i am obsessed with brackets, and thats okay.
i think



i'm happy...once again...got another reminder...then it hit me.
i should be happy

but then happy is such a relative word.


like a river glorious...  

Posted by Lauren

In 1876, while vacationing in the south of Wales, Frances Havergal caught a severe cold and suffered inflammation of the lungs. Told she might die, her response was: "If I am really going, it is too good to be true." Her friends were amazed at how peacefully she faced the prospect of dying. That same year she wrote the hymn:

Like a river glorious is God’s perfect peace
Over all victorious in its bright increase
Perfect, yet it floweth fuller every day
Perfect, yet it groweth deeper all the way
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.

As her fever grew worse, her family became alarmed. It gradually became apparent that Frances,42, was dying. On Whitsunday, as one of her doctors left the room, he said, "Goodbye, I shall not see you again."
"Then you really think I am going?" asked Frances.
"Yes."
"Today?"
"Probably."
"Beautiful," said Frances. "Too good to be true."
Soon afterward she looked up smiling and said, "Splendid to be so near the gates of heaven!
It's splendid! I thought He would have left me here a long while; but He is so good to take me now."




we will dance, oh we will dance on those golden streets!
where is my passion, where is it?
should i not be joyful?
why do i rather muse about my feelings.
i replay in my mind over and over how this stinks & how i wish it would be better
then i am quickly reminded
"oh ye of little faith don't you remember what happend last time?"


and sooner or later, there's going to be the very last day





till one day in splendor we see face to face...  

Posted by Lauren

do you know how terribly hard it is to be open minded...when all you really want is to just get "through" without being influenced.

in the end when i see my Father...will any of this matter...
probably not, just the part of me being un-obedient to my parents...
and so right now that is what is called for
obedience and complete openness
&
for it not to be false
but completely genuine.

i wish it was just as easy to act out as it is to say.





We may trust Him fully all for us to do
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true
~ Like a River Glorious



 

Posted by Lauren


guess what! we will dance on streets that are golden. we will dance, oh
"we are in the last days, and sooner or later, there's going to be the very last day"

& if that won't bring you joy...i don't know what will.

hahaha  

Posted by Lauren


guys this is how rad ming is...this greets me tonight while i am eating my chili after frisbee:



This is how bored I was/am

Ok, so tickets are going to cost us including taxes and fees about $230-240 each. We could always drive but then that would take like days...lol Wait...snap nvm I thought I found tickets for like 170...but with tax they were like 260. lol
Hotels are pretty much going to kill us like it'll be $780 for six nights if you average it about $130 a night...
I don't even want to think about a rental car...lol
Yeah but I had fun looking it up...lol and I'm sure you could find stuff cheaper but I didn't spent alot of time on it. =P
It would be amazing though hahaha wow I laugh at myself. I'm such a nerd, but I promise you one day I will go =P And it would be cheaper to go with my family, and I'll just take you along, if you think you could deal with my family for like 2 weeks. =P
Lets see...we are going to Cornerstone and I hope Shoreline too. I really want Francis Chan and Brian Colmery to speak when we go too...lol
Then we can like go to the San Diego Zoo and I'm sure there's other stuff in California but my main concern is going to the church there. lol

Ok ok and I have this like idea that when we go to Cornerstone (when not if =P) you are going to meet this amazingly godly humble leader, yet amazing cute surfer guy who is exactly 6ft (so he's not to tall but yet he's taller than me =P) He'll be tan and either have black hair and piercing blue eyes orrr sandy beach blonde hair with emerald green eyes (like all the guys in Ted Dekker's books seem to have). Ohhh and he'll either have a some sort of cool accent. you will fall desperately in love with him (I haven't decided on a name yet...I'm looking for a guy name that starts with an L because that would be cute but Larry just doesn't work...) and vise versa. He'll fly back to NC while we drive back so as to meet your parents and make them fall in love with him too. Thennn like after you guys are married he'll either move here or take you back to CA which if that were to happen I of course would have to go along with you and we could serve at Cornerstone and like help with CHF and it would be awesome.


I hope you have found some entertainment out of this lol I had fun writing it.
Love you dearly (edidted a short part here that you don't need to read :P)

Ming



oh and ming...sorry but larry is not quite the name i am looking for...so you can take that off of your list...oh yea and he doesn't have to surf either...actually i don't think i want a surfer.

love can be so intrusive  

Posted by Lauren

my mind was wondering that day...to a place i had never been, but one that i would love to visit over and over again. i don't know how i got there, for if i did i would be there right now, living it again, but all i have is to tell a story of my visit: i was wondering down a desolate road on a crisp fall morning, dew gently placed on each and every blade of grass and decaying leaf. i slowly found myself walking towards a sign titled "memory lane." quickly i pick up my pace too see what road could deserve to hold such a name. i find myself staring very closely at my surroundings, more then i usually would have. the closer i look i begin to see each piece of the landscape titled with a anecdote beneath. i bend down to pick up a stray leaf to study it closer, stamped on the rotting, aged leaf is a memory. one that was cherished, but sadly forgotten. i read it over and over. then stuffed it quickly in my fading pocket, and rushed to pick up another, it was a fresh, brightly colored, leaf. this another special moment sadly forgotten. i stood in silence for a moment wishing i could return to each specific place and time and recount every experience, cherishing it all over again. slowly tears rolled down my cheeks as i remembered each moment with vivid clarity. the tears subsided as i met my fate, it could never happen. i bent down to retrieve a lonely flower, only to discover that it had a story too. but not like any other story. no this one was different, this one was very very old. a story i wasn't present for, but very much a part of. i read it over and over again, each time bringing new meaning. joy overtook me, i couldn't contain myself, i began to dance down the road, the fall leaves began gliding from the tree's with new memories as i danced.

I was alive in that moment, oh so alive.

 

Posted by Lauren

Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care
Not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there

Every joy or trial falleth from above
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love
We may trust Him fully all for us to do
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true
~ like a river glorious

the day was sunny..but the unlikely corner of my heart poured rain  

Posted by Lauren


my morning didn't start out to hot...well let's just say i was rather angry...we got a call last night that someone wanted to look at our house...so if our house wasn't already clean...it turns spotless.
i had two tests i had to take today in Computer Literacy..easy you make think but this class has turned out to be more of a pill then i thought it would be. I couldn't start the tests because i was supposed to leave the house and my test was online. so i waited to take the test till about 11...and i really have a thing for getting schoolwork done early. that angered me much more then it should have, i didn't feel like rolling with it...

so i take snickers and leave the house and go do my devo's, amazing how God can totally change my attitude, won't really going into it because i don't think i could properly put it into words

baked some cornbread muffins that turned out fantabulously...and they taste pretty great!


But the moment's magic swept us away...  

Posted by Lauren



But the night came down and swept us away.

And the stars, they seemed to paint the most elaborate scene today.

 

Posted by Lauren

some moments seems so pretty, with their stars and dim lights.
soft and breathy.
then there are those moments that seem to hurt a lot, you come home, and you realize that your in trouble, yeah.

those pretty moments, they go away more often than i'd like them to.
i'm a little bit jealous of ignorance, it's easier to love when you don't know.
easy things don't give that much satisfaction do they?
and
theres a lot of things i'd like to know, but somehow i'm glad that i don't know them
and theres a lot of thing i don't understand, but somehow i'm ok with that.



i'm ok with all of this, in case it mattered, which i know it doesn't.
but i'm ok with that too.

 

Posted by Lauren

I open my hand and blow the petals away. Each vibrant color representing a memory that I would like to part with. There are a few that linger there so softly. It would be painful to blow them again, so I pick up my paint brush and gently try to cover them. I look down at my hand: there lies a colorful array of tears and paint. I use this new mixture to sweep across the tainted white canvas that you have given me. It was brand new, but the dirt of my life has left a stain. Where there should be white, there are words instead and quick passages of thoughts. Passages that lead to bridges and ditches; roads going somewhere I don't know. So I'm going to try to start brand new on something that is stained. I'm going to paint me a road where I should have returned many miles ago. I am going to paint a bridge to cross the ditch that I made for myself. There's not enough dirt in this wheelbarrow to fill the scar on my heart, but there's enough wood to try and fix it. I never thought I'd see the day when the foundations for this bridge would be laid, but here they are, made with both our hands. Mine with swirls of the palest, of colors sparkling from the teardrops - yours shades of the richest, finest, and darkest forms of red. Red from your own blood, shed for me

not to cover my scars, but to erase them forever.