inside my veins and lungs,
unbearable and un-holy.
I will deny everything
but I can't deny you.

oh please, come nearer still
you are all there is.
to be found is to be lost in you
don't let me go, don't leave my side
stretch all my fingers, please open my eyes
and touch me, somewhere, deep inside.

and faithless as it may be,
suffer me to put my fingers in your side
if that is what it takes to be sure,


oh fill this gaping grave,
fill my soul, fill my soul...

please come,
I'm sorry,there's nothing that would make you want to stay
you're all i want, no nothing more
please make me nothing more or less
than a child who's reached by your tender kiss.

My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:18

with God's grace, i'm going to wholeheartedly try harder. starting now.

loving everyone is difficult, that's why I can't do it on my own.
my pride.

Matthew 6:30
For if He so clothe the grass of the field which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more does He care for you, O ye of little faith?

i'm sick of expectations, because you'll never cease to fail them
i'm sick of worrying about who people think i like, because i can't do anything about it
i'm sick of knowing better but still doing the wrong, because we are human
i'm sick of trying to be the "good" friend, because i'm just as messed up as the next person
i'm sick of fighting for joy, because i really don't want it right now
i'm sick of trying to stand up for my faith, because all i really want is to blend in
i'm sick of being the first one to jump in to make fun of another, because i shouldn't be doing it in the first place
i'm sick of thinking everything through to much, because i probably make it worse the more i do
i'm sick of the way you hurt people, because you really don't know what you are doing
i'm sick of my standards, because i'm always changing them because of others, and it isn't good
i'm sick of the lieing, because it never got anyone anywhere
i'm sick of wondering what tomorrow holds, because my wondering won't change it
i'm sick of waiting, because waiting takes so long
i'm sick of wanting to give up, because that won't get me anywhere

My God. Is. So Great.

more to come later

i'm starting to love school, as one of the certainty's in my life. i used to hate school. but now, it's a little different. i know what i'm doing (i think) i know that an A is guaranteed if i throw myself into it.
i like that about school.

James 1:19
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Passion Countdown= 52 DAYS!

strike!

i had a whole post typed up in my head.
then i went to put it down on paper.
and then i thought how you might think i flew the coop.
so then i decided not to post it.
just to let you know, if i'm short with you, please just right it off as me being pre-occupied.

that counts for yesterday, today, and most likely tomorrow.
i'm going to go try set things straight right now.

after learning how to trust, I find there's so little to trust. least of all myself.


all this time, thinking you're knowing where you're going; after you veer off the road more than once though, you begin to forget which turn was a mistake.

you can't take back yesterday. But don't spend all tomorrow wishing you could.



Its funny, how people can't lie with their eyes. we lie with our mouths but our eyes can only tell truth. I see it in your face.

I was thinking about how much we like to quote people and the "brilliant" things they say.
especially when it comes to spiritual matters

i almost wonder if we are too quick to go to a person for guidance and understanding before the bible, and what it says.

and then maybe we trust mans words just as much as God's or maybe more?
do we take it more seriously?

we all do it. aren't God's words sufficient, sufficient for all encouragement, discipline, instruction?

maybe i'm thinking this through to much.

i'm so thankful...
i couldn't even begin to name why.
the list is refreshed every breath i take
i'm in love
in love with a God that pursued me
a God that captured me
i'm in love
and i'm in love with the peace that he brings
the peace that comes in hard times
in times where i feel exasperated

I wish you could feel this feeling, maybe you already do, maybe I am the one that's behind

people talk about it, and i have heard them talk about it
-------
they don't give this feeling enough credit.




I think that my entire body hurts. my arms hurt and my legs hurt, and it kind of hurts when i breathe. my head doesn't hurt, my heart doesn't hurt. in fact, my heart and my head feel the complete opposite of pain, i think.
but then maybe it's the grace of pain.

thanks, God.

If you don't believe that God is out for your good, you will always question why God is doing what he is doing in your life.

God I know you ripped me out of the fires of hell but at this point in my life I am really going to question what you are doing. Have you ever thought about how silly that is?
Todd Nighswonger

I have so many thoughts swimming in my head right now,
you have no clue.
don't even bother trying to guess them,
i can assure you could probably only figure out one maybe two.

You know when you think you had everything figured out,
well i did
well, i thought i did.
i really kidded myself.

what do you do when you feel like your parents are being unfair...
honestly humanly speaking there is nothing i can do
and that stinks.

Freely you have received, freely give.
-Matthew 10:8

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."
-Luke 6:26-28


I'm really happy these days.
And this time it's for a reason,
But it's a secret :)


it's not a superficial happiness that fades, no this is forever.

What am I passionate about, the color red. Yes. Of course

Thinking deeper though I don't think I am the one to say what I am passionate about.
I don't have the right.
If I tried to tell you what I was passionate about I would say some things that are true, and then would try to chip in a few others that I want to be true, and well, I just don't want to be like that.

i've always heard people talking about how fun it is to drive by yourself and be able to sing along to loud music really loudly and really badly, because no one can hear you anyways.

well, it is really fun

I don't want to be so grammatical right now and I don't want to worry about the way my words sound. I always do. I'd like to let my thoughts run wild and maybe I'd say enough for once. Or maybe not.

I thought about something today... when someone is really good at something, when they have something in their life that they love a lot, they do whatever that thing is or talk about that person with such free enjoyment that it isn't even about them. It's about something bigger, something finer, something they throw themselves into without a second thought.