But this is my place. This is where I belong. At the foot of the cross - for all my life. Crying out, confessing, asking for forgiveness, breaking...and being upheld by Him. I will always be asking, learning, wondering, questioning, growing, needing. And God will always be there. Being saved will not turn me into a super hero who can do everything and anything and be everything to everyone - as much as I'd like it to.

being a child of God means I will always have to be humbled, lowered, selfless, serving. It is entirely non-self-glorifying; it is completely humbling. I keep jumping up off of my knees and saying "Thanks God! Same time next week when I sin again!"...but I should always be on my knees.

I have experienced so much of His love, but He is so unimaginably...big, so beyond me, bigger than life, that what I have had seems so tiny in comparison. And I find myself asking for more of Him, and then sinning against Him.

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." - 1 Corinthians 13: 12

Even as I am fully known? He knows me more than any other person could.

I have come to realize something, I think.
I make wrong choices, we all do.
and I "feel" like I have the power within my self to stop making these wrong choices.
If I have learned anything over the past weeks it's that that is not true.
in the least.

you know how the bible says there is not even once ounce of good in man.
well that is seeming to become more true in my eyes, I think I am finally understanding that. even just a little bit.

any good I am capable of "whipping" up isn't me.
and I always thought it was (maybe not on a conscious level)
I mean if it was really good I knew that was God( of course), but I thought the little things were me, I thought I could handle the really small things and make a good decision
there is nothing good about me
other then the Savior that has come to rescue me

something I have been learning over the past few months


"Every breath that I take
Is your faithfulness proved
And at the end of each day
When my labors are through
I will sing of Your mercies anew"

love is not self-seeking.
love always protects.
love does no harm to its neighbor.
love must be sincere.
love honors one another above yourself.
love is being devoted to one another.
love is a debt that is never finished being paid.
love fulfills the law.

love is a garment that i often forget to put on.
and sometimes, purposely.


love does no harm to its neighbor.
oh. are there any exceptions to this one?
darn.

the great joy that someone is experiencing right now. i'm sure there are no words. I wish I could be there.

it's hard to be mad when someone brings you flowers.
darn.

when the quietness of the night swoops in
I can feel your handiworks by the steady beat of my heart
the heart you gently and perfectly crafted
a heart that was never understood, and surely never acknowledged for it's abilities
the heart that will never fail me until that predestined moment
where I see my glorious, merciful, savior.
the one that has wiped the tears from my eyes
the one that brought me out of the bitter darkness to His marvelous light
and as emotion overcomes my being
I fall to my knees and proclaim the words that have always echoed through my intricate being
Holy, Holy, Holy
no words are used, but silence proclaims all that needs to be heard.
in the moment I feel no agony, no pain, nothing but complete peace.


even in the stillness you were with me
you guided my steps
and you power was manifested in my utmost weakness

I will praise you for now I know, that I was fearfully and wonderfully made.

when the complicated things are washed away
and the emotion stripped out
when the cares and loves of the passing world are wiped out
there will be one that rings most clear
the big canvas will be displayed
the deep red blood stains will shine the most clear
and the crowns will be laid at the feet of the one who suffered to be glorified