HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
what a rush...
or not.
I just went outside to wash my car...
taking advantage of the rain...
you know.
"lauren your such a nut"
yes maybe i am but who has the clean car now?
that's what i thought....
i might have a deadly disease...but i saved a few dollars
okay?
when i went out i didn't think it would be THAT cold...
but hey
i'm saving the world one gallon of water at a time.
now i am going to take the longest hottest shower ever
:P
or not.
I just went outside to wash my car...
taking advantage of the rain...
you know.
"lauren your such a nut"
yes maybe i am but who has the clean car now?
that's what i thought....
i might have a deadly disease...but i saved a few dollars
okay?
when i went out i didn't think it would be THAT cold...
but hey
i'm saving the world one gallon of water at a time.
now i am going to take the longest hottest shower ever
:P
they say it's love that "lasts for a lifetime".
But aren't we lucky;
our love lasts beyond this fleeting lifetime.
count to infinity
and beyond
tonight at dinner i brought down my notes for sociology 'cause i have a test tomorrow and i wanted dad to help me study. so he is going through everything helping me learn the material, but then he goes into "father" mode just like that.
teaching me life values through sociology...who knew.
i must say he's pretty talented.
I love my dad
i must say he's pretty talented.
I love my dad
you want to know what i don't get...
how can someone come across so genuine, yet really be so fake...
but we have all done it at one point or another, haven't we?
I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned, unclean.
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!
When with the ransomed in glory
His face I at last shall see,
’Twill be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me.
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned, unclean.
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!
When with the ransomed in glory
His face I at last shall see,
’Twill be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me.
2 Corinthians 5:14-16
For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.
you can have all of this world
just give me Jesus
give me Jesus
For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.
you can have all of this world
just give me Jesus
give me Jesus
you know what i love???
doing school from 7:30 till 4:30
and not eating all day...because you forgot
I think it's fun
oh yea and did i mention not getting anything done for having done school that long??
yea, i like that too.
there's only so many things you can brush off before one just starts to get to you.
===========
and i have realized yet again that absolutely everything in this life will let me down, everything that is, except God.
and he has a plan to prosper in all of this
hearts of hope seem so hard to find these days
and he has a plan to prosper in all of this
hearts of hope seem so hard to find these days
i have come to a conclusion.
education is not for me.
i am now refusing
i will not be one of those people that spend their life
being schooled
why?
'cause i hate it
'cause i hate it
it's not my thing, some people enjoy it, some people put up with it, others fail at it miserably
i am the latter
i'm putting in my time...then i'm gone.
am i lazy? probably, but i don't think that's my main motivation
things that really really matter,
for starters,
i need to learn how to love,
i don't get it. i really don't
i am the latter
i'm putting in my time...then i'm gone.
am i lazy? probably, but i don't think that's my main motivation
honestly...
i'd rather spend my time learning other things, that i lack in miserably.things that really really matter,
for starters,
i need to learn how to love,
i don't get it. i really don't
how do i know this
because i hate, i hate a lot
there is something about this, that i can't explain, but i know i need it desperately
it isn't one of those things that i know i need but don't act on
but now i am acting on it
my hearts craves it
really hard
Matthew 12:34
You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.
because i hate, i hate a lot
there is something about this, that i can't explain, but i know i need it desperately
it isn't one of those things that i know i need but don't act on
but now i am acting on it
my hearts craves it
really hard
Matthew 12:34
You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.
that scares me.
I'm alive, I can breathe
But do I really care for this world in need?
I'm alive, I can breathe
But do I really care for this world in need?
i don't understand the bible.
i don't get why some things seem so hidden, until your eyes are open.
i don't get why good verses turn old, when there is so much left to see
i don't get why it isn't clear from the start
i don't get why i can't grasp the most simplistic things in it's covers
i don't see how you could read something over and over, and never get what God was really trying to say
i wonder why. i do. and i beg to see something new, with new faith.
to see it the way it was supposed to be seen
to experience the wonders, the virtues, the teachings, the stories.
i'm not seeing it clearly
but oh, i want to
& i want it to engulf me, to swallow me,
i need it so badly.
go here: Cornerstone Simi Valley
on the bottom right click Get a Sermon
scroll down to the date 3/12/06, and click on:
You Talk to Much Part 1 and there is also part 2
you can download it on to your ipod/ itunes
it's worth the time.
I don't know what to say, I don't think I can say anything, I can't improve on this.
I want to rush into God's presence and give him a thousand words. Who am I?
This is crazy
Ecclesiastes 6:11 The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?
quick to listen, slow to speak...
that's enough to chew for a while
This is crazy
Ecclesiastes 6:11 The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?
Proverbs 29: 20 Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
quick to listen, slow to speak...
that's enough to chew for a while
don't tell me it's never crossed your mind
'cause i know it has
because when i take a long enough time to look at my life, i see all my blessings.
and why shouldn't i be happy?
'cause i know it has
because when i take a long enough time to look at my life, i see all my blessings.
and why shouldn't i be happy?
no i don't think happy is the right word
but what am i doing about it?
nothing
absolutely nothing,
there are people dying out there. people whose lives are messed up. people who don't want to live. people who don't want to wake up in the morning. people who don't want to go home at night. people that need answers, who need to be loved, people who need hope, who need a Savior
but what am i doing about it?
nothing
absolutely nothing,
there are millions of blessed people in North America.
but we still go to our same schools, our same jobs, our same homes day after day and nothing changes. i think about how many people sit at the same job day after day. i'm no good with the numbers, but there are tons. some of them real practical, real great, real life changing. some of them not at all. so there are a bunch of us in the same routine day after day. okay, so i'm wrong. things do change. but it feels like we could be doing more. not routinely live our lives as millions of people die. often needlessly. although, there are tons of people right here that go through huge struggles. i recognize that. i want to help them too. it seems that there are so many demons. so many bad things out there that we all go through. we all have our struggles. our hard times.
but we still go to our same schools, our same jobs, our same homes day after day and nothing changes. i think about how many people sit at the same job day after day. i'm no good with the numbers, but there are tons. some of them real practical, real great, real life changing. some of them not at all. so there are a bunch of us in the same routine day after day. okay, so i'm wrong. things do change. but it feels like we could be doing more. not routinely live our lives as millions of people die. often needlessly. although, there are tons of people right here that go through huge struggles. i recognize that. i want to help them too. it seems that there are so many demons. so many bad things out there that we all go through. we all have our struggles. our hard times.
oh God must look down and laugh
i don't know pain, i don't know hardship
and I don't know true joy
in a funny way it's kind of aggravating
sometimes i want to feel what Jesus felt
i want his compassion
his grace
his humility
his love
his patience
his sympathy
his joy
i just want to feel it,
because i think it would be the best feeling yet.
but here i will sit, talking about it, but that's as far as it will go...
i'm changing that
tonight.
i don't know pain, i don't know hardship
and I don't know true joy
in a funny way it's kind of aggravating
sometimes i want to feel what Jesus felt
i want his compassion
his grace
his humility
his love
his patience
his sympathy
his joy
i just want to feel it,
because i think it would be the best feeling yet.
but here i will sit, talking about it, but that's as far as it will go...
i'm changing that
tonight.
& yet another day...
Class was rad
got to talk to my Soc teacher after class
kinda heard her story
were she was coming from
then what better way to spend the day then an entire day with friends?
honestly
Tyler & Ming...
no Jacob for me, thank you
i take back what i said :P
"My nose hurts."
"Lauren suck it up"
loving is not easy. i fail at love.
if loving were easy, i don't think God would make it such a high priority
i am selfish. i want to do things to please myself, to make things easier for myself, to make me happy. i do what it takes to uphold my self-image. i am nice to people to make myself look better. i think i am better than people. i justify my actions when they're wrong. i hate people because they do things that i think are stupid. i want to slap people when they annoy me. i fill my life to the brim with things that keep me busy, then let me spiritual life go. i let my prayer and my reading the bible become routine. i do things because i know i should, rather than doing them because i want to. i let everything else become my priority.
i live in the moment, in my feelings, and i let these things affect me instead of trusting in God.
this is my nature. this is quite often what i think, which inevitably effects what i want. this is how i act. this is what i naturally fall to.
"the truth is in,
the proof is when,
i hear my heart start asking,
what's my motivation?"
the proof is when,
i hear my heart start asking,
what's my motivation?"
but love is a sacrifice*. love is not any of these things. love is never about me. if i'm doing it for myself, then i'm not doing it for anyone else.
i can dissect my feelings. i can tell you why i act one way or feel this way. yet how the hey can i love you?
the only way i can answer this is to try and take i out of the sentence. and it's not me who can answer it, it's already been answered.
the world has been given the perfect example of love.
this is unfathomable.
this is unfathomable.
how can there be an example of all that love entails? without flaw, without failing.
we are loved immeasurably, i am loved immeasurably. and we don't deserve this. i don't deserve this.
He didn't deserve this, the blood pouring out, the thorns digging into his skin, the holes that the nails carved, the whip searing into his back, the rejection of His Father. He endured it all, the physical, the emotional, the mental, and the spiritual. it is not just what He did, but what He is doing.here i am: destroying others, destroying the fragile parts of my relationship with God. yet He continues to care for me, continues to hold me, continues to bless me; continues to love me.
if i had been the only person in this world, He would have done all this for me. and what have i done? nothing good on my own, nothing good at all. yet i told you i would take myself out of this. and so i will. here you are. and what are you doing? it shouldn't matter to me. but here also is God. and what has He done? He did all this. for every single person that has lived, living, and is yet to live in the world. it does not matter what they have done or what they will do. had i not been a part of this world, He would have done it. had they been the only person ever to exist in the world, He would have it done it for them. i would not have wanted to do this, i could not have done this, i would not have done this. and for that, i owe my life.
that is what it comes down to. love is written through every word in the bible. it is so much more than we know it as, than we can imagine it as. we have been given an incomprehensible love. the only thing we have left to do, is to reciprocate it, back to our creator and all that he has created. it already has been perfected for us.
i just wish i could GET it, it's so much easier to say it
right now...i don't really feel like loving
i feel like accusing, pointing fingers
and confronting
but right now
i just need to shut up
and let God speak to me
and forget about Him *fixing* that person
i just wish i could GET it, it's so much easier to say it
right now...i don't really feel like loving
i feel like accusing, pointing fingers
and confronting
but right now
i just need to shut up
and let God speak to me
and forget about Him *fixing* that person
Oh, to see my name
Written in the wounds,
For through Your suffering I am free.
Death is crushed to death;
Life is mine to live,
Won through Your selfless love.
This, the pow'r of the cross:
Son of God—slain for us.
What a love! What a cost!
We stand forgiven at the cross.
Written in the wounds,
For through Your suffering I am free.
Death is crushed to death;
Life is mine to live,
Won through Your selfless love.
This, the pow'r of the cross:
Son of God—slain for us.
What a love! What a cost!
We stand forgiven at the cross.
i'm bored and fortunately for me I have no HW due...
ANYWAYS
i'm going to do
Lauren's Random Thoughts...
and i am sorry if some of this doesn't make sense to you...you should just hang out with "us" more...
1. I love the feeling you get when something actually *clicks*
2. Being amazed at God is a fantastic feeling
3. sitting outside on a fall night reading an excellent book and drinking some tea
4. Ming and Tyler have a VERY odd addiction to "lol"
5. and i consider it my duty to rid them of it.
6. having a friend to confide in, and talk about serious things is sweet.
7. & knowing they won't judge you, and they aren't afraid to correct you or point out your short commings
8. I LOVE our property in the fall time...driving four wheelers, breathing in soft cool air, and covered in mud from head to toe.
9. falling asleep to the rain rocks
10. my fav season is fall
11. driving in the car with your windows down and a certain song comes on an you start to bust out laughing, that's fun.
12. Laying in bed and talking to Ming and Keri...and all the sudden come out with a dream you had that you never told ming about...that has to do with her future.
13. She is going to kill me for that.
14. Acting oblivious, when you really aren't...haha
14. seeing someone experience true joy
15. sitting in the car with ming talking about whatever as the rain pours down
16. talking to Madison...and really see God working in her life
17. talking to old friends and reliving good times with them and my brother.
18. Hurricanes...I love them...yes i know they bring destruction, but they also can bring joy
19. being stressed then going to God and just giving it ALL to Him.
20. unfortunately most of the time...i'm not able to relinquish all of it.
21. Making bread, i love to make bread...me and my red apron.
22. I am a picky eater
23. Snickers rocks!
24. Sam saving me from.....
25. eating when you are starving...brings much satisfaction
26. I like to dance...even though i can't
27. in living we die...in dieing we live
28. Inside jokes are fun when ALL your friends know them
29. I want to go home to were the warm BISCUITS are baking. HOME :P
30. Saying something without really saying it
31. red flowers are awesome
32. i love music
33. hanging out at CFA...never ceases to bring entertainment...no matter WHO i am with.
34. Reading my Sociology book with Keri...and laughing so hard, and driving down the road safely at the same time, it takes some major skill.
35. playing card games with anyone, pretty much turns into a rad time
36. watching A movie then playing BS...as meagan and i are immature enough to burst out laughing...'cause we just can't help it.
37. people that act differently around different people is just plain annoying
38. that didn't make sense did it?
39. i am starting to hate weekends for obvious reasons.
40. ipods are now cool in my book if you are interested
41. "Solus...its like being on the top of the mountain, so high that you can't breathe...it sucks"
42. "ming just laugh let's see if " " gets jealous"
43. i love a good book, they make me happy.
44. Ming has good books.
45. hey hey look...
46. " shoot...get down, get down, they can see us!"
47.being random is fun
48. spending lot's of time in the car w/ friends is fun
49. school...is not my thing
50. taking a test...then like freaking out, that isn't fun
51. "it's not like a bad drug or anything"
52. Ming ha
53. Fall is awesome
54. and so is Gerbs
55. AND smiley Ryan!
I think I'll end it here :)
Contributors
- Lauren
- “If the praise of others elates me, or if the blame of others depresses me, then I know nothing of Calvarys love.” –Amy Carmichael