I want a reckless faith.
the kind of faith where it's ok to die tomorrow if God's name is glorified.
I have all these lofty plans for my life, but they don't matter if I have the opportunity to glorify God in my dying breath.

somewhere there is a disconnect that heaven will be so much more glorious then any second on earth. it's like i'm enjoying the small muddy puddle where God has an endless beautiful ocean.

I hate that i'm so comfortable here. I should be sacrificing something. Am I even fulfilling what Christ called me to do if I am not out there in the trenches like those that have gone before me?

the last thing I want to do with my short moment on earth is to make it worthless, the thought just makes me so angry. but I feel like right now, that is where I am.

I am so sick of the Christians that don't get it. yet I feel like I am stuck in the rut with them half the time.

just like them i'll complain. about the stupidest things.
like last night, I could have written the longest list.
it's about time I get over myself. bring on the mushrooms.

i'm sick of some of us that waste so much time tearing our brothers and sisters down. do you not understand we are fighting for the same cause. and I wish I could just come right out and confront you, but I know I do it too.

I feel like I am missing what God really has for me, I can feel it, but it is still just past my reach, I can stretch my arm out and the feeling gets bigger yet I still can't hold it. and i'm longing for it to envelop me.

I think I just need a break, i'm frustrated with the Church, i'm frustrated with myself.
God promised me something different this semester, and I can't wait to see what it is.
I am about to take this big step onto this mile long swinging bridge that fills the gap of a huge chasm. & if i miss the first step, it's over.