Gustav is heading to New Orleans.
the neighborhoods that we worked in this summer are being evacuated.

God can that city take this. again. What if this hurricane hits their city. Will the people come back? again.
The damage was still there, they didn't even get to fix all the wreckage from last time, will they do it. again.

oh let the rain fall down
and wash this world away
oh let the sky be grey
cause if its ever gonna get any better
its gotta get worse for a day

Sometimes you're having one of those days when you just want to scream and shout, one of those days you want to complain but you know more than anything it would serve you best if you just shut up... one of those days when you can't get any work done because you're distracted about everything else that needs to be done... one of those days when you are in a weird way almost happy to be stressed out. And you're trying to just give it to God, but it's so frustrating because you're not getting anywhere. And your prayers don't seem to make sense, you keep pleading for the same things,and you can't seem to gather your thoughts for long enough to sit there and tumble out all your thoughts... so you just sit in silence, but yet the silence seems so forced, because you know you need to be still before God, it just so hard when there are so many other things to do and your thoughts they just whirl around in your brain longer and longer and you're getting no work done whatsoever

the lights were off, the blinds drawn, and I was staring at the computer, doing school.
at the moment I had just realized that my room was dark. I walked over to open my blinds and the thought crossed my mind, you know God, it would be kinda cool if it rained, I just kind of feel like rain. I began pulling up my blinds, and look there, a nice drizzle.

yes God,
your funny, and little things like rain make me happy, thanks for being cool like that.
love,
me

this is what I do to let off some stress.
write crazy things, for no particular reason. but it never. never fails to make me laugh.


and whats even better is it's so true. I am really starting to hate college ruled paper. sounds too official too organized, and definitely too stuffy.

oh yea, and you want to know what else I do when I should be doing school? awesome things like this: http://www.h2oconserve.org/wc.php

that's right, what's your water footprint? mine is huge! there is no way...

My individual water use is 667.36 gallons per day
that's crazy.









Here are some of my textbooks for this Fall semester, I am still missing a few, yes you heard me right, a few.

Also not pictured are some dangerous viles of who knows what for biology, some exciting stuff, if all of this get's to difficult I could throw back a few of those and i'm sure I would be feeling better.

that was a joke.

i'm excited about it, really excited, minus the bathtub, i'm not really happy about that, in fact, i'm starting to strongly dislike the bathtub.

let me give a brief history.
you see in the very beginning what is now a bathtub was a shower, not any shower, but a tile shower, yes for once, a "grownup" shower. well that quickly got scratched after discovering for some reason it wouldn't work ( I still don't understand why.) so basically to get out and say it, we have a bathtub, and a bathtub that I don't care for. I think there should be a checklist for every bathtub, and a requirement on that checklist should definitely be a place to put shampoo, conditioner, soap, all of the necessities to feel clean after you have been in the shower. and this bathtub definitely does not fit that requirement, and that's why I don't particularly like it. Now don't be thinking to yourself "wow she's really hard on that bathtub" well than, let me see you try to juggle in a shower, yea that's what I thought.

no you are not at the wrong blog, I definitely changed the layout.

I felt like it needed a change, with other things in my life changing right now, I felt that it would be ridiculous to restrict my blog from following suit.

so here it is.

school is crazy,
no really. Crazy.

I will live, God's helping me.
they say his mercy and grace are knew every morning,
but when I go to bed and feel defeated with school, the next morning I wake and he gives me fresh vigor to do it again. I've never really experienced that until this week, at least not where I totally knew it wasn't me, but then I should have know that anyway.
Most of you know me pretty well, i'm a mess, i'm accident prone, actually I burn prone, I burn my self significantly at least once a week. and I don't burn myself with the average fare, no I find new ways every week. so those of you that didn't know that well, there you go.

I'm going to upload a picture of all my textbooks when I get them all, because I know you will be impressed, one might even consider me smart, but uh...that's just a facade.

now if I manage to keep up my streak of all A's then you can definitely consider me smart. but then didn't I just say if I made it through the semester it wouldn't be by my doing. ha. ok. nope, I still won't be smart. but you can just believe I am.

Hi God,

I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but Gosh, this is hard

I know that you hold my hand through all of this, you know how easily this angers me. You know i'm just so tired, all of these little things managed to make just one big thing. It looks like a monster to me.

Please just don’t let go even if I forget your there.

Love,
your little girl

I hate to be "that" person.
but i've got to be honest here.

I hate relationships.
you know, the kind you have when you aren't old enough to do anything about it.
it's the truth, I hate them.

chances are it's only because I hate them, that i'm not in one.

and what's even worse, is you when you let you "significant" other know that you are no longer in a relationship by canceling it on facebook, really, how shallow can we possibly be?

and I really don't like how relationships affect the people in them, and more then not, change the people in them, and even more often then not, change them in a bad way.
my two cents.


i'll stop on that tangent. i could literally go on forever. ok maybe not forever, but at least a few pages.


school, is overwhelming....and it's only the first day.
I had one of those overwhelming God moments to add to it.
you know the kind that leave your head spinning.
Your will. Your will. Your will.
not mine.

I opened a book this morning titled the Norton Anthology of English Literature: The romantic Period.

I started reading, and then instantly felt very smart. It was a funny feeling.

standards are strange. especially when people set them.

guess what.
I have discovered what my favorite kind of bird is.
hold your applause please.
let me explain
ok, so what would happen if for some reason someone actually cared what my favorite kind of bird is, i mean people, who knows? and they asked "lauren abe, what is your favorite kind of bird"

well before five minutes ago they may have been stunned with my silence.

honestly people who cares about what my favorite kind of bird is.
but who needs these negative thoughts? now I will be able to blurt out Chickadee.

that's right. now you know.

This is officially my last day of summer.

I have done a lot this summer, and a lot I wish I could change.
Things I wish I would have done differently, but that's life isn't it?
We've begun the house this summer, which by the way looks spectacular, and we hope to have it dried in by this weekend.

And now for the second summer in a row I still haven't made it to the beach, that's what happens when you don't live in Florida anymore I guess.

Overall I am pretty excited to start this school year.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me.

~~ 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV ~~

I ask for strength with every intention of being weak.
I ask for joy with every intention of wallowing in self-pity.
I ask for energy with every intention of being tired.
I ask for love with no intention of treating you any different.
I ask for peace with every intention of working myself up in anger.
I ask for forgiveness with no intention of really accepting it.

and the annoying part is, You always give it to me.

I had a wonderful day today.

Sometimes meeting new people in new places makes my head hurt.
I’m just trying to remember new names and identify all new faces. Its hard.

Sometimes meeting new people in new places makes my heart hurt.
I’m just trying to live the way Jesus told me to and love in a likewise manner and so I connect. And then I have to leave. And a piece of my heart stays with them. Its hard.


The kids were so excited to see us. So ready to give hugs and laugh… and just...play around.

I held many dirty hands.
I shared smiles with beautiful faces.
I wondered if it hurt them more for me to come and love and leave than it would if I hadn’t come at all.

Its hard for me to get into circumstances as such and connect myself- really connect myself and then leave. Its hard for me to become vulnerable all over again and again and again. I don’t like it. Really, I don’t.
But today, playing with the kids- just laughing, and watching and holding them- it struck me.



It hurts to connect and then leave.
But it hurts me more not to.
Those kids might forget about me tomorrow.
But I gotta love anyway.
Its what Jesus did for me.
I can do no less.




"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway."

Mother Teresa

I saw on the news today that there is a tropical storm headed toward your beautiful city.

normally I might say, oh that's a shame.

but now, I have friends that live there, and I worry about them, I worry because I know they are scared.

God what if it were to turn into a Hurricane again, I know that question is on there minds, I even heard one kid ask it. & I would be a liar to say it wasn't on my mind.

& we played until you all had to go home. the way you laughed and the way you smiled made my heart skip a beat.

even in the midst of what you go through every day, God puts a smile on your face, and you laugh like there is nothing to be sad about.

your joy was contagious, it caught me up. we had so much fun those three days, and when we left I felt like my heart was being torn out. I didn't know if I should feel happy that I spent three days of my life with you, or to be sad because I had spent only three days with you, and now I was leaving.

Ecclesiastes 2:18

He has made everything beautiful in it's time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they can not fathom what God has done from beginning to end.



i'm back again, begging for forgivness,
asking for answers, searching,
what's the meaning in all of this,
i don't understand, i never understood,
and times like tonight, you wonder
if anyone really gets it
because they sure don't act like it,
and they never have.

I don't know where to start.